


Of Second Chances

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Romance, Series: Nothing Lasts Forever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-07-16
Updated: 1999-07-16
Packaged: 2018-11-10 14:42:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11128953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Phil McKenzie learns what happened in Fraser's life after he ended their engagement. This story is a sequel toNothing Lasts Forever.





	Of Second Chances

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

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Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans.  
The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the  
creation of this story. The McKenzies and friends belong to SL Haas and  
are used in this story with her permission. Cat Madden belongs to me.  
No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV or any other  
copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published  
for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to  
be reproduced for profit.  
  
Rated PG for some swearing  
  
Of Second Chances  
  
By Carol Trendall  
  
(Copyright 1997)  
  
  
 ****Phil McKenzie opened her eyes, slowly awakened by the late afternoon  
sun that streamed in the hospital window. She scanned her surroundings  
warily, as though she was sure to find them lacking. A broad smile lit  
her face when the first sight that greeted her was her brother, TJ, perched  
on the edge of her bed.  
  
"You still here?" she teased, struggling into an upright position.  
  
TJ smiled and ruffled her hair affectionately. "Someone's got to  
keep an eye on you, Flip," he teased back.  
  
"Has Rob gone yet?" she asked around a yawn.  
  
"Yes, he left while you were sleeping. The hospital's going crazy  
without him. He asked me to say goodbye."  
  
"It was nice of him fit me into his busy schedule."  
  
TJ smiled at his sister, his love for her clear on his handsome face.  
"Well, that's what we're here for."  
  
"So does that mean you're staying for a while?"  
  
"Yeah, I took the liberty of asking the museum if I could check  
out some Cree artefacts that a private dealer has not far from here.  
That way I can stay until you don't need me, then take a drive out to  
see this guy. I don't know how genuine this stuff is, but he's offered  
it to us several times now. If it checks out, I'll make an offer."  
  
Phil was proud of the work her brother did at the Field Museum. For  
some years now he had been curator of native artefacts and had worked  
tirelessly purchasing private collections and returning the contents  
to very grateful tribal elders. In return, the tribes would loan the  
artefacts to the Museum for display. The relationship TJ had developed  
with the Indigenous Nations ensured that his museum had one of the most  
diverse native collections in the country.  
  
Phil grinned, leaning toward her brother. "That's great, TJ. As  
for me not needing you, it'll never happen."  
  
Before either of them could say anything else a voice came from the  
doorway.  
  
"Hi there. Glad to see you're finally awake."  
  
Phil and TJ looked towards the door to see Sergeant Cathy Madden, still  
in her uniform, obviously just from work.  
  
"Cat! Hi. Come on in. TJ was just going to get some coffee."  
She cast a meaningful glance at her brother that had him jumping to his  
feet in surprise. Phil had noticed attraction between the two of them  
in the two days she'd been in the hospital and she figured it was time  
to do some gentle nudging.  
  
Hint taken, TJ checked how Cat took her coffee and then went off to the  
canteen, leaving them alone. It was the first time Cat had been alone  
with Phil since her hospitalisation.  
  
"So how you feeling today, Phil?" Cat asked, brushing a gentle  
hand over Phil's.  
  
"Well, I've stopped being dizzy, but my back and my ankle still  
hurt," Phil grimaced in pain. "I'm just pleased that the fall  
didn't aggravate my old back injury. That was my first concern when  
I realised I'd taken a fall. The doctor thinks I'll be able to leave  
in a couple of days."  
  
"That's good, because I have two things to say to you." Cat's  
expression was blank, but a smile danced around her eyes.  
  
"Oh?" Phil didn't know this woman well enough yet to know if  
she was messing around or not.  
  
"Firstly, why didn't you tell me your brothers were so drop dead  
gorgeous?"  
  
Phil laughed, deep and throaty. "Rob and TJ? I'm so used to their  
good looks that I don't give them a second thought." She leaned  
over and raised a conspiratorial eyebrow at her new friend. "You  
interested?" Phil smiled happily now, the pain in her ankle and  
back forgotten for the moment.  
  
"Don't worry, I noticed Rob's wedding band."  
  
"But TJ's available...." Phil let her voice trail off.  
  
"But if you'd have warned me how handsome he is I might have been  
able to spruce myself up a bit before we met," Cat scolded. "After  
the way I looked then � I don't stand a chance."  
  
Phil laughed and Cat was relieved to see the humour in her eyes.  
  
"What's the second thing you wanted to say?"  
  
"Well, I was wondering if you would like to come and stay at my  
house for a while when you get out of here. I thought it might be good  
for you and, well, I... I figured you'd have some questions for me."  
  
"Cat! How did you know? " Phil was shocked, was she so transparent?  
  
Cat only smiled. "Intuition, Phil. Besides, I think you might  
need some time to deal with this accident and how it's going to affect  
your research project. It'll be a while before you're in any shape to  
get out there and finish the job. If you stay here you'll be closer  
to the team and you can keep an eye on things. Besides, I've got a big  
house and lots of animals to amuse you. **And** I'm a great cook."  
  
"How could I refuse an offer like that! I'd like it very much,  
Cat, and yes, I do have a lot of questions for you."  
  
Cat took Phil's hand and gave her a warm smile. "And I'll be happy  
to answer them."  
  
Footsteps in the corridor signalled TJ's return with the coffee. Phil  
and Cat filled TJ in on their plans and all three fell into companionable  
conversation, laughing and joking and getting to know one another.  
  
The afternoon soon passed into evening and before long it was dark.   
Phil yawned ostentatiously and a little too obviously for Cat's liking,  
but she laughed anyway.  
  
"It's time for you two to get out of here, I need to sleep. TJ,  
I think you should buy Cat dinner, after all she did save my life and  
you've got nothing better to do!"  
  
TJ blushed and looked embarrassed and Cat was reminded instantly of Ben.  
Phil sat up in bed, looking pleased with herself and being of no help  
to her brother. Cat decided to let him off the hook.  
  
"I'll let you buy me dinner tonight if you let me cook for you tomorrow  
night. Then we're even."  
  
TJ smiled at her and relaxed. "It's a deal. Some home cooking  
would be nice."  
  
When the goodbyes were dealt with, Cat and TJ left together with Phil  
giving Cat a final conspiratorial smile as they went. Cat smiled in  
return, vowing one day to pay Phil back.  
  
  
Cat and TJ ate at a restaurant not far from the hospital. They sat talking  
late into the night, parting reluctantly only when Cat reminded TJ that  
she had to work the next day. Cat provided TJ with her address and made  
him promise to be there by seven the next evening. She drove off smiling,  
very much looking forward to her next meeting with this intriguing man.  
In the meantime she had to get some information out of Phil, she sensed  
there was something about TJ that made him hold back.  
  
TJ watched Cat drive away, also anticipating the next evening, but with  
a mixture of excitement and fear.  
  
  
The next day Cat visited Phil at lunchtime. She hoped she had chosen  
a time when TJ would not be there and was pleased when she found her  
timing to be perfect. Phil was sitting up in bed, her laptop open on  
the roll table across the bed and geological maps strewn on every available  
surface. She didn't notice Cat's entrance. Only when Cat bent to retrieve  
a map and a notebook from the floor beside the bed did Phil realise she  
was not alone.  
  
"Hi, Cat." Phil smiled at her. "Give me thirty seconds."  
She returned to her computer, tapped a few keys and then put it aside.  
  
"Working on your research?"  
  
"Yes, Todd Grayson and Doug Waters came to see me this morning and  
we worked out a plan to keep the project on schedule. I've just emailed  
the game plan to the rest of the team and they'll send me the results  
at the end of each day. I should be able to start analysing the data  
tomorrow, so we'll still meet our deadline. I'm relieved that my accident  
isn't going to cause a delay. "  
  
"You certainly look happier than you did yesterday. It must have  
been worrying you."  
  
"Well, yes it was. But that's not the only thing that's put me  
in a good mood today. I don't know what you did to my brother but he  
sure was happy this morning."  
  
Cat laughed, thinking to herself _'I haven't done anything to him ....yet'_.  
  
"We had a lovely evening. And you, Phil McKenzie, are a wicked  
sister. TJ looked horrified when you told him to take me to dinner!"  
  
"Well he wasn't going to do anything about it on his own."  
  
"Reminded me of Ben," Cat mused.  
  
Phil's tone grew serious. "TJ has often reminded me of Ben, Cat.  
Maybe that's why I fell in love with him, because he was like my brother."  
  
"I suspect he has his secrets too, just like Ben." Cat ended  
the sentence with an upward inflection, giving Phil the opportunity to  
offer up anything she felt Cat needed to know.  
  
"Yes. You should know about those now."  
  
Cat nodded and pulled a chair up to the bed. She listened intently while  
Phil told her about TJ's engagement to Noelle and her tragic death.   
Phil told her of how TJ had carried his pain for so long, unable to give  
his heart to anyone and Cat was struck again by the similarity to Ben's  
life over the past years. Phil also told her about the friendship he  
had shared with Ben and the support he had been after Noelle's death.  
  
"He deserves happiness, Cat, he's a good man. I think you'd be  
good for him."  
  
"We'll see."  
  
  
That evening Cat left work early. She raced home and prepared a delicious  
meal of pan-fried trout and salad, followed by a wicked honeycomb and  
banana pudding for dessert. She took a long leisurely shower and dressed  
in a pair of slim fitting black pants and black sweater, deciding she  
would just have to put up with the cat hair. Underneath she wore a deep  
crimson teddy, hoping that someone other than her cats would be admiring  
it later.  
  
Sheila, her fat aging tortoiseshell cat observed her preparations through  
half closed eyes.  
  
"Don't give me that look, young lady. I know what you're thinking,"  
Cat admonished the feline, then turned back to the mirror.  
  
She was pulling a brush through her hair when the doorbell rang. With  
a final glance to the sleeping cat she warned, "Behave yourself  
tonight, Sheila."  
  
  
Cat ushered TJ into her living room. He handed her a generous bunch  
of deep purple tulips and a bottle of wine.  
  
"You said you like red wine."  
  
Cat looked up at the attractive man before her, wondering how she had  
got so lucky. "I do. Thank you, TJ. And how did you know tulips  
are my favourite flowers?"  
  
"I had a hunch." He beamed at her and followed her into the  
kitchen.  
  
Cat handed TJ a corkscrew and two glasses for the wine, while she took  
care of the flowers.  
  
Reaching into a cupboard she took down a large glass vase. "And  
purple, it signifies the need for union, so the psychologists say."  
Cat looked at him through her eyelashes as she worked, aiming for innocence,  
but convincing no one.  
  
"But purple is a mixture of red and blue, Cat, signifying a need  
for gentleness and tenderness." It was TJ's turn to look coy.   
He poured the wine and handed her a glass, smiling all the while.  
  
"You're a wise man, TJ McKenzie." Cat smiled. It was going  
to be an interesting evening.  
  
She led him to the living room and while she settled on the sofa, TJ  
inspected some of the treasured items resting on Cat's mantelpiece.  
  
He ran his hands reverently over a soapstone figure about the size of  
an orange. "This is a lovely piece. She's an Inuit spirit, but  
I guess you know who she is."  
  
"Pinga. I'm told she watches carefully over the actions of men,  
particularly the way they treat animals." She lowered her voice.  
"It was a gift."  
  
TJ smiled and nodded, sitting down at the other end of the sofa. "You  
know, Pinga only appears in times of great need." TJ held her gaze  
for a moment. "No doubt it was given to you by someone who knows  
you very well."  
  
Cat smiled to herself, her heart full of fondness for the man who had  
given her the gift. She doubted that Ben would ever have expected TJ  
to one day admire it.  
  
By the time their meal was on the table, Sheila and Bella had made their  
way down the stairs to investigate the visitor. The two cats circled  
the room, pretending not to be interested, but more than once tried to  
jump onto TJ's lap during dinner. Cat told him that it meant that Sheila  
and Bella approved of him. TJ beamed with pleasure when she said this,  
and told her he was honoured to be accepted into this household.  
  
Much later when they had eaten and drank some of the wine, Cat suggested  
they move to the sofa near the fire to have their coffee. On the sofa,  
TJ seemed restless and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Once again  
Cat could not help comparing him to Ben. She thought briefly of the  
first time he had sat in her living room, looking as nervous as TJ did  
now.  
  
TJ sipped at his coffee, a determined look on his face. "I'll be  
honest with you Cat," he said eventually. "I've been attracted  
to you since the first day at the hospital."  
  
"Yeah, I know," she smiled at him. "The feeling's mutual."  
  
TJ smiled with some relief. "I'm a bit out of my depth here. It's  
been a long time since I've been in this situation."  
  
He looked uncomfortable again and Cat took pity on him. "I know.  
Phil told me about Noelle. I'm so sorry, it must have been awful."  
  
TJ sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "It was. I know it's  
been a long time, but I haven't been able to....feel....anything. I  
felt frozen for a long time." Cat moved closer and rested her hand  
on his arm, stroking lightly as he went on. "There've been women  
since then, of course. But only ever empty and emotionless. You know  
what I mean, that desperate desire for physical contact and then you  
find yourself sneaking out of a total stranger's apartment in the middle  
of the night feeling worse than you did before. I wasn't ready to give  
anything, so I got nothing in return." He shook his head and looked  
embarrassed. "That sounds pretty bad, doesn't it?"  
  
Cat smiled warmly and squeezed his arm. "Don't beat yourself up  
about it, TJ. You do what you have to to survive. You suffered a terrible  
loss. Some people wouldn't have handled it as well as you. Sounds to  
me like you're human."  
  
"Ah, such a wise woman." He grinned at her, keen to change  
the subject. "I hope you'll give advice like this to Phil?"  
  
Cat chuckled. "I'll try, but I'm not sure she'll be as willing  
to listen as you are." They both laughed.  
  
"I felt like I could trust you as soon as I saw you," TJ said  
a little later, casting a meaningful glance at Cat.  
  
Cat wasn't sure how to respond to that, but before long it didn't matter  
because TJ leaned forward and kissed her, his free hand sliding around  
her waist and pulling her towards him. A moment later he broke away  
and took the coffee cup from Cat's hand with some impatience, almost  
throwing it onto the table. This time TJ slid both hands around Cat's  
waist, pulling her hard against him as he kissed her. Cat sighed in  
contentment.  
  
TJ whispered into her ear, "So that's why they call you Cat. You  
purr."  
  
Cat smiled in reply and TJ kissed her again. From her position by the  
fire, Sheila lifted one lazy eyelid and surveyed the scene, feeling slightly  
peeved, knowing there would be little room for her on the bed tonight.  
  
  
Three days later Phil McKenzie was allowed to leave the hospital. Cat  
and TJ arrived together to collect her, but Phil wasn't surprised by  
that, it seemed they had spent every possible moment together since the  
night she had insisted TJ take Cat to dinner. Phil was pretty pleased  
with herself about that. She hadn't seen TJ so happy and relaxed in  
many years. She had been right, Cat was good for her brother.  
  
  
The drive out to Cat's property was a happy one, with lots of laughter  
and stories and only a little apprehension on Phil's part. She knew  
she was about to expose herself to a part of Ben's life that had so far  
only been speculation and she wasn't sure how ready she really was.  
  
Cat and TJ helped Phil up the stairs, with Cat apologising all the way  
for only having bedrooms on the upper floor.  
  
"I hope the view from your room will make up for the effort in getting  
there," Cat said as she led Phil into the large bedroom.  
  
One wall was a floor to ceiling window, with heavy drapes to draw across  
on cold winter days, giving way to a view across Cat's property and then  
onto the mountains in the distance. Opposite there was a small potbelly  
stove, already alight and giving the room a cosy feel. Sheila and her  
daughter Bella ran ahead of them, wrestling and purring on the bed.  
  
"Wow, I think you're right." Phil cast her eyes around the  
room appreciatively. "What a lovely room and what a lovely view.  
And the cats, I love the cats." Phil hobbled to the bed and stroked  
the two animals, who repeatedly nudged each other out of the way to get  
more of Phil's attention.  
  
"There are more downstairs. Bella has four kittens, but they're  
too small to get up the stairs. I think she comes up here to get away  
from them."  
  
Bella answered that comment by jumping off the bed and heading for TJ,  
circling his legs possessively. TJ bent and swept Bella up into his arms  
and she rolled onto her back, purring loudly while he scratched her belly.  
Bella had obviously claimed TJ for herself.  
  
Phil looked at her brother, mock disapproval on her face. "TJ,  
what is it about you and females? They always drop at your feet."  
  
"Ah, but this one's special!" he replied, rubbing his face  
into her fur.  
  
"Yeah, like I haven't heard that before," Cat said, smiling  
as Phil laughed at TJ's discomfort.  
  
TJ looked at the two women and decided to keep quiet.  
  
"Will you show me the kittens later?" Phil asked.  
  
"Of course I will. Now, your bathroom is just next door, so you  
don't have to go far. My room is across the hall and I can hear you  
if you call out. You shouldn't need anything, I think it's all here."  
Cat clapped her hands together and stepped towards the door. "Why  
don't you get settled in and I'll go downstairs and feed the animals  
and make some tea. Come down when you're ready and we'll decide what  
to do about dinner." With a swish of hair Cat was gone, leaving  
Phil and TJ alone.  
  
"If you don't need me, Flip, I'm going to love you and leave you.  
I told that old geezer in Duck Lake I'd see his collection tomorrow morning,  
so I'd better get moving."  
  
"You'll be back in a few days though?" she asked, moving to  
hug him.  
  
"Of course I will. Then I'll take you back to Chicago." Brother  
and sister said their good-byes and then TJ went downstairs for a different  
farewell to Cat.  
  
When she was unpacked and changed into comfortable clothing, Phil made  
her way down the stairs leaning heavily on the banister, still unsure  
of using the crutches she had been given. On the way down she noticed  
the wall by the stairs was completely covered in framed photographs.  
She had been too busy to notice them on her way up, but now she stopped  
to inspect them.  
  
Many were of Ben, something she realised she should not have been surprised  
by. There were several of Ben and Cat together, obviously taken some  
time ago, but there were some newer ones as well, including Ben and a  
man she had never seen before. Scattered between these photos was an  
interesting mix; Cat and an older man in a Mountie uniform, Ben with  
a large white dog, Cat with a group of darker skinned people Phil figured  
were probably Tsimshian, Cat with two people who could only be her parents  
and Cat with a large tortoiseshell cat. The more she looked the more  
she found and her desire to get down the stairs was suddenly gone.  
  
That was where Cat found her a few minutes later when she came out of  
the kitchen bearing a tray with a pot of tea and cake.  
  
Phil looked at her guiltily. "I'm sorry, Cat. I didn't mean to  
pry."  
  
"You're not prying," she reassured her new friend. "If  
I didn't want them looked at I wouldn't have put them on the wall."  
  
Phil nodded and turned back to the wall. "This picture caught my  
eye." She pointed to one Ben had sent Cat many years ago. It was  
Ben and the Rocky Mountain Rescue Crew. Pointing to a small figure with  
unclear features standing next to Ben, she sighed. "That's me."  
She turned misty eyes to Cat. "It brings back a lot of memories.  
I hadn't expected it."  
  
"Oh shit. I'm sorry, Phil. I should have warned you about those  
pictures."  
  
Phil shook her head. "No. It's OK, really." She turned back  
to the wall. "This one of you and Ben." She pointed to a  
small square photo at the top of the collection. "Was that when  
you first knew each other?"  
  
Cat knew the picture well. She didn't need to get close to see. She  
smiled at Phil, her mind wandering back over the years. "Yeah,  
that was over 15 years ago now, when we were both young enough to think  
we'd be together forever. Tea?"  
  
Phil nodded her acceptance and turned back to the pictures. "You  
both look in love."  
  
"We were. That was a long time ago, Phil." Cat carried two  
mugs of tea up the stairs and joined Phil on the step. She pointed to  
a picture that Phil had noticed earlier. "See this one? That's Bob  
Fraser. We were both stationed in Yellowknife."  
  
Phil leaned over for a better look, remembering well the night she had  
spoken to him on the phone. The night she and Ben became engaged. She  
wished she had known him. "He has a nice face." She thought  
of Caroline and looked forward to telling her about the picture next  
time she visited.  
  
"He was a great man. We were devastated when he was killed...."  
Cat's voice trailed off, stopping herself before she let something slip  
about Ben going to Chicago to look for his father's killer.  
  
"Poor Ben," Phil sighed and Cat was struck by the level of  
emotion in that simple statement.  
  
Cat pointed to another; a picture of her holding up a large fish surrounded  
by a group of Tsimshian men. "This man here." She pointed  
to the man next to her in the photo "This is Eric. Did Ben tell  
you about Eric?" Phil shook her head. "That was taken in  
Kitimat. He and Ben grew up together. I was stationed there for a while  
and Ben made them look out for me. That day, they took me fishing.   
I caught the biggest fish, as you can see."  
  
Both women laughed together and Phil cast her eyes over the wall, finally  
lighting on a fairly recent picture of Ben and a large white dog. Her  
heart ached. He was still the most handsome man she had ever seen.  
  
"This is nice. When was that taken?"  
  
"About five years ago. That's Diefenbaker. I guess you don't know  
about him."  
  
"Diefenbaker? Ben has a dog?"  
  
"A wolf, actually. He saved Ben's life once by diving off an ice  
floe and dragging him to safety. He burst his eardrums in the process  
and now he's deaf. Ben brought him here and I helped care for Dief,  
we didn't think he'd live. In the process he became bonded to Ben and  
now they go everywhere together."  
  
Eventually, Phil's eyes sought out a picture of Cat and a pretty woman  
with dark hair and blue eyes that somehow seemed familiar. "Who's  
that with you?"  
  
"That's Becka, Ben's sister. That was taken some time ago now.  
She's had a difficult time recently."  
  
"She's pretty, looks a lot like Ben."  
  
"That she does." She said no more about Becka. The time would  
come when it was right to go into Becka's history.  
  
Phil stared at the pictures in silence. So much had happened in Ben's  
life that she didn't know about. So much had happened in her life that  
Ben didn't know about.  
  
Cat noticed her silence. "What is it Phil? Does this upset you?"  
  
"No. I'm just a bit caught off-guard." She leaned her chin  
onto her knees and stared straight ahead. "I was going to marry  
this man and I knew so little about him."  
  
Cat squeezed Phil's arm gently. "But you knew who he was and you  
knew he loved you."  
  
"Emphasis on the past tense." Her voice held a trace of bitterness.  
  
"He loved you, Phil. Simple as that. Now I've told you what I  
think about this self doubt of yours."  
  
"I know." She smiled a little. "I guess I probably wasn't  
prepared for being in this house, knowing that Ben has probably touched  
everything in it, sat where I'm sitting, slept where I'm sleeping."  
She hesitated and sighed. "The room where I'm sleeping, is that  
where Ben sleeps?"  
  
Cat looked at her teacup and debated whether to answer the question honestly  
or lie. Eventually she went with honesty. "No, Phil, he's rarely  
slept there. He usually sleeps in my bed." She stopped when she  
saw Phil's face. "Damn it, you don't wanna hear this. I'm sorry."  
  
"In your bed?"  
  
"Yes and don't look at me like that. We haven't made love for ...  
for many years now. It's not about sex. I've told you that Ben and  
I have an unusual relationship. I'm sorry, Phil, does it shock you?"  
  
"Shock me? No. Surprise me? Yes. I don't know what I was expecting  
you to say. It's none of my business anyway."  
  
Cat gripped her shoulder and made her look at her. "Phil, listen  
to me. I want you to understand this. I don't know what your belief  
system is and so I'm sorry if this offends you, but my relationship with  
Ben goes beyond this life. It's an essential part of both of us and  
it has no bearing, none whatsoever, on the love he feels for you. And  
yes, I do mean feels for you � present tense."  
  
"See, Cat, I didn't know him at all."  
  
"Oh yes you did, Phil. You know a side of Ben that only you will  
ever see. Not me, certainly not Victoria, not anyone."  
  
Phil pondered Cat's statement and let her eyes wander back to the photos,  
looking for a way to change the subject. "Who's that with Ben?"  
She pointed to a picture of Ben with a man she didn't know, both leaning  
against a metallic green car.  
  
"That's Ray, his best friend in ... his best friend." Phil  
turned to look at Cat as she continued. "And Ray knows a part of  
Ben that you and I will never know. That's the way it is. There must  
be a part of you that no one else knows."  
  
Phil looked at her hands and thought about her friend, Lloyd Hope. It  
was true, he knew her like no one else. Not even Ben. "I know  
you're right, Cat. I can't help it, I feel ... I feel ... left out."  
  
"Of course you do. Right in front of you is photographic evidence  
that Ben has had a life after he ended your engagement. Of course you  
feel left out. I'd be willing to bet that he'd feel left out too, if  
he knew you and I were sitting here now. He'll feel left out when he  
knows that I know about Lindy."  
  
Phil didn't say anything, just absorbed what Cat had said and returned  
to her perusal of the wall. "Is there a picture...I mean...do you  
have...Oh my...." Phil hesitated. She wasn't sure she wanted an  
answer to what she was about to ask. "There's no picture of Ben  
with any woman, other than you and I thought you'd have a picture of  
Victoria. Do you have one?"  
  
It was Cat's turn to be anxious now. "Oh, Phil. The answer to  
that is part of a much larger conversation and it's one, I think, that  
we shouldn't have sitting on the steps." For a moment Cat ignored  
the quizzical look on Phil's face. "I've made some cake. Come  
sit by the fire and I'll refresh your tea and then I'll tell you about  
it."  
  
Phil did as she was bid and when she was settled into an armchair near  
the fire with a slice of buttered homemade fig cake Cat spoke.  
  
"Phil, there is a lot you need to hear and none of it is pleasant.  
I think you need to know. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to Ben.  
If you don't want to hear it, then just say so." She waited for  
a sign before continuing. "Should I go on?"  
  
Phil nodded weakly, not sure at all that she wanted to hear what Cat  
would tell her.  
  
Cat sipped at her tea, settled back into her chair and began. She told  
Phil about the robbery, about Ben tracking Victoria, then spending days  
with her in a snowstorm before taking her back to town and turning her  
in.  
  
There were tears threatening in Phil's voice when she finally spoke.  
"So my memory was right. I thought you'd told me that night on the  
mountain that Victoria had been sent to prison, but I thought it was  
my mind playing tricks."  
  
"Your memory was right. Victoria is a thief and a murderer."  
  
"Oh god, Cat. Ben dumped me for a criminal!" She sat bolt  
upright. "I can't believe it! He fell in love with a damn thief!  
So loving a common criminal was better than spending his life with me!"  
By the time she finished, tears flowed freely down Phil's cheeks.  
  
Cat dug a handkerchief from her pocket, placed there earlier in anticipation  
of this conversation. "Phil, it's not like that." Cat's voice  
was soft, gentling the sobbing woman like she would an injured and frightened  
animal.  
  
"What else am I supposed to think?" Phil demanded. "I  
didn't think it would hurt this much after all these years. But, Cat,  
did my love mean so little to him that it could be wiped out by a couple  
of days on a mountain with a thief?" Cat moved towards her but  
Phil waved her away, determined to continue. "Maybe I was too boring.  
Maybe he liked the excitement of being with someone who robbed banks  
for a living. Seems that I was a bit of an aberration. I certainly  
can't compare to the other woman in his life. Look at you, I'm nothing  
like you. You propositioned Ben and I hit him when he kissed me. Then  
there's Victoria. I'll give him this, he certainly loves a challenge.  
Oh god....".  
  
Cat flew to her feet, standing over the sobbing woman. "Phil!   
Stop it! Listen to yourself! Do you hate yourself that much?"  
Phil looked up at her, eyes wide with shock. "Ben loved you because  
of exactly who you are. Make no mistake. He knows he blew it with you.  
I made sure to tell him, but he knew it himself anyway. As for me, I  
don't even enter into this. I've told you about how it is with Ben and  
me. Now Victoria is a whole different story and you need to hear the  
rest of it before you get carried away with this 'woe is me' shit!"  
  
"I'm ... I'm sorry, Cat. I thought I had dealt with every possible  
scenario, but this ... let's just say it's not what I expected to hear."  
She couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice. "Whatever Victoria  
did on that mountain must have been pretty amazing to make Ben fall in  
love with her."  
  
Cat sat down again, a familiar weariness settling in. This was territory  
she had been over in her own mind more times than she cared to remember.  
Her voice lowered.  
  
"Something happened to Ben up on that mountain alright. I don't  
know what it was, but it had nothing to do with love. It was never love.  
Obsession, maybe. You hear stories about things blossoming in the face  
of death. Maybe that was it. They say long term hostages form unusual  
bonds with their captors. Who knows? I can't say." Her gaze drifted  
away from Phil to a place somewhere over her head. "I would have  
understood if it were just sex. He wouldn't be the first man to make  
a decision with a part of his anatomy other than his brain. Now that,  
at least, would have made sense. But he turned it into a ridiculous  
obsession and vowed he would wait until she was out of prison."  
Cat rubbed her hands over her eyes, wondering why she had dragged all  
of her thoughts up again. "Damn it, Phil, I haven't thought about  
this in years. I'm sorry."  
  
"No. Please. Go on. I think I need to hear it."  
  
"Yes. Both of you have carried this around for so long now and  
knowing about this may well help you come to terms with it, give you  
another perspective. Phil, I'm concerned that if you don't resolve it  
now you'll end up a bitter old woman, always alone." Like Ben,  
she wanted to add, but resisted. "If you still have feelings for  
Ben then, for everyone's sake, own up to them, otherwise let it all go  
and move on with your life."  
  
Phil didn't answer. Cat got to her feet and headed for the kitchen.  
She needed a drink.  
  
"I know you said you're not much of a drinker, Phil, but I'm going  
to open a bottle of wine and I think you should drink some." Cat  
said, returning with a bottle of red wine, a corkscrew and two glasses.  
  
With a business-like efficiency she opened the wine, poured a little  
into each glass and handed one to Phil before continuing with the story.  
  
She told Phil the rest of the story. She told her all about Victoria's  
release from prison and re-entry to Ben's life, skilfully sidestepping  
any mention of Chicago. She told Phil about the shooting, for some reason  
deciding at the last minute not to tell her that it was Ray who shot  
him, and about Ben's hospitalisation, followed by the trip north to rebuild  
the cabin. By the time Cat had finished Phil had drunk the wine and  
let Cat refill her glass.  
  
"So no-one knows where she is now?"  
  
"No, Phil, she wasn't on the train when it stopped."  
  
"And Ben, he's OK now? No permanent injury?"  
  
"No, he's fine. He's gotten Victoria out of his system and he's  
moved on." Cat hesitated. "For what it's worth, Phil, he knows  
he made a mistake letting you go."  
  
Phil looked at her, for the first time in many years not feeling the  
urge to answer the comment with a bitter remark.  
  
Neither of the women spoke for a long time and after a while Cat got  
up and went to the kitchen to prepare their dinner. She left Phil alone  
to digest what she had just told her. When Cat came out of the kitchen  
later Phil was curled into a ball on the sofa, sobbing her heart out  
and clutching on to Bella like a life raft. Wordlessly, Cat sat beside  
her and pulled her into a hug, rocking her until she breathed easily.  
  
Cat didn't know how long they sat there, but she refused to relinquish  
her hold on Phil until she was sure the worst was over. When Phil's  
breathing evened out, Bella slipped away and padded out of the room.  
  
Eventually Phil spoke. "I hated Ben for years and not once did  
I give a thought to what had happened to him."  
  
"But you were hurting, Phil. Besides, how were you supposed to  
know."  
  
"I wished many things on Ben, but I never wanted anyone to try and  
kill him."  
  
"I know that, he knows that. What happened with Victoria is something  
that is best left alone now. You've both got to move on. If you want  
me to tell you where he is I will."  
  
Phil sat upright, suddenly in control again. "No! No, I'm not ready  
for that."  
  
"But when you are, just let me know."  
  
Suddenly Cat's attention was drawn to a movement in the doorway of her  
study. It was Bella, carrying one of her kittens in her mouth. Ignoring  
Cat's gaze, she headed towards the sofa and jumped up, dropping the kitten  
unceremoniously into Phil's lap. Phil stared at the purring black bundle  
and the tears welled in her eyes again.  
  
"I think you've been given a gift." Cat smiled and picked  
Bella up, pressing her face into her fur, wondering why she hadn't thought  
of it herself. "Thank you Bella, what a lovely thought. Phil will  
take good care of him."  
  
Phil scooped up the kitten and cuddled it. "What a beautiful kitten.  
Can I really keep him?"  
  
"Of course, Bella has chosen you, she can obviously see that you're  
the right person to care for her baby. I never let the kittens go to  
a home their mother doesn't approve of."  
  
"I'll have to think of a name."  
  
"The right name will come to you, soon enough."  
  
Cat was pleased that Phil wanted to keep the kitten, it seemed the perfect  
thing to help heal her many old wounds.  
  
"There's something else I should tell you as well. Remember I told  
you about the kitten Ben brought to me all those years ago? You saw  
her photo on the wall." Phil nodded. "I called her Laura.  
Sheila is Laura's daughter and Bella is Sheila's daughter. This little  
kitten is Laura's great grandson."  
  
Phil sighed and stroked the tiny kitten in her lap. "That's perfect.  
Thank you, Cat. This means a lot to me."  
  
"Don't thank me. Bella chose you." Cat smiled softly, thinking  
how perfect this arrangement was. It completed the circle that had been  
disrupted all those years ago by the influence of Victoria Metcalfe.  
  
  
In the days that followed, Cat and Phil spent many hours sharing long  
forgotten secrets with each other. Phil told Cat about how Ben had proposed  
to her and showed her the ring that she still wore on a chain around  
her neck. Cat told Phil about the early days of her friendship with  
Ben and the things they had done together. Cat told Phil some of the  
things she knew about Ben's childhood and how he had rescued his sister,  
Becka, but it was Phil who was to share the most precious of all secrets.  
  
Cat and Phil were seated together on the sofa, a photo album on the coffee  
table in front of them, when Phil said, "I want to show you something,  
I'll be back in a minute."  
  
Cat waited while Phil made her way to her room and then returned clutching  
a small photo. Without a word she handed it to Cat, who took it without  
a word, sure she knew what it was. She was right.  
  
It was a photo of a beautiful baby girl with brown hair framing her face  
and dancing blue eyes that Cat had only seen on one other person. Dressed  
in a red velvet dress with white lace trim, she clutched a miniature  
Stetson in her tiny baby fist. Lindy. There was no mistaking her parentage.  
Cat looked up at Phil, who looked back at her without any expression.  
  
"She's beautiful, Phil."  
  
"Yes. That was taken not long before ... not long before she died."  
  
Tears filled Cat's eyes as she looked at Phil and then the two women  
hugged silently. Cat's heart ached, for the pain that Phil had carried  
all these years and for the pain that Ben was yet to feel when he learned  
about Lindy.  
  
Cat was well aware of the importance of Phil sharing her daughter's picture  
with her. In an attempt to share something special in return, Cat took  
Phil to Diefenbaker Lake, where she and Ben had often canoed in the summer  
and collected wild rice on the banks.  
  
"It's beautiful, Cat. Maybe next time when I'm in better shape,  
we can go canoeing together."  
  
"I'd like that."  
  
"Have you ever been white water rafting?" Phil asked, her  
mind drifting away to another special place.  
  
"No, perhaps you could take me sometime."  
  
"Yes, I will. You know Ben and I had often talked about making  
a canyon trip sometime. I have a favourite place in Colorado..."  
her voice trailed off and Cat looked at her, knowing exactly where her  
mind was.  
  
"Perhaps you two will still get to do it one day."  
  
Cat was sure Ben and Phil would make their trip, even if it were a little  
later than originally planned. Phil looked at Cat, but didn't answer.  
  
That afternoon on their way home, Cat pulled into the parking lot of  
the local shopping centre. After they had collected some essential groceries,  
Cat led Phil into a small shop tucked away in a corner of the mall.  
  
"I just need to pick something up, Phil. It won't take long."  
  
The two women stepped into the store, a beautifully decorated lingerie  
store. A pretty woman with long blonde hair greeted them.  
  
"Hi, Cathy. I was wondering when I'd see you."  
  
"Hi, Sandy. It's been a busy couple of weeks. Has it arrived?"  
  
"Yes, just a second." Sandy disappeared into the back room.  
  
Cat turned to see Phil wandering around the store, occasionally picking  
up an item and then setting it down again. "See anything you like?"  
she asked.  
  
"Oh, this stuff is so pretty, but it's not for me."  
  
Sandy returned with a parcel before Cat could admonish Phil.  
  
"Here it is." Sandy opened the parcel and took out a deep  
forest green velvet and lace teddy.  
  
"Oh, Sandy, it's gorgeous! What do you think Phil?"  
  
Phil joined them, touching the garment tentatively. "It's lovely."  
  
Sandy looked at Cat, then back to Phil. "I've got another one in  
burgundy. I think it's probably your size."  
  
Phil waved her hand and started to back away. "No, no, I don't  
think...."  
  
"Yes, Phil. It's about time you gave yourself a present. She'd  
love to try it on, Sandy."  
  
Cat grabbed Phil and manoeuvred her into the change room while Sandy  
went for the other teddy. After much to-ing and fro-ing and Cat refusing  
to let her out until she tried the teddy on, Phil gave in. A few minutes  
later she opened the door of the change room and looked out nervously.  
  
Cat grinned. "Well, give me a look."  
  
Phil opened the door fully and stood self-consciously holding her hands  
in front of her.  
  
"Oh, Phil, it looks great! You've got a great figure."  
  
"But the colour? I don't normally wear this colour." Phil  
shifted anxiously from foot to foot.  
  
"The colour suits you. You'll give someone a very nice surprise  
one day. As Bob Fraser once said to me, 'hubba hubba'!" Cat winked  
at Phil, but she just shuffled uncomfortably.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Yes you do." Cat rummaged in her bag, then whipped out her  
credit card and handed it to Sandy.  
  
"As someone once said and I don't remember who, 'wrap it up, I'll  
take it'."  
  
"Cat!"  
  
Cat silenced her with a wave of her hand. "It's done now. No discussion.  
Consider it a thank you."  
  
"Thank you? For what?"  
  
Cat considered this for a second and then smiled broadly. "TJ."  
  
  
A week later when it was time for Phil to go home, Cat was sorry to see  
her go. On the last night she prepared a special dinner and a special  
gift for Phil's farewell. Sitting by the fire that night, sipping chamomile  
tea, Cat handed Phil a black, leather bound notebook. It was a scrapbook  
of articles about Ben's achievements.  
  
"Phil, this is something I want you to have."  
  
"Wh ... what is it?" Phil reached out a hand tentatively.  
  
"It's a scrapbook that Bob Fraser started when Ben became a Mountie.  
He left it to me in his will."  
  
Phil pushed it back towards Cat. "No, I can't take it."  
  
"Yes, Phil. I want you to have it. I'm sure Bob left it to me  
at a time when he thought Ben and I would marry. I don't think he ever  
thought to change it. When Bob died I continued the tradition. I've  
kept the articles up to date. I think Bob would have wanted you to have  
it."  
  
"But what about Ben?"  
  
"He doesn't even know it exists. It was between Bob and I. For  
god's sakes Phil, you had Ben's child and he was going to marry you,  
you're more family than me. Please take it, it's from Bob to me to you."  
  
Phil took the book in her hands, not knowing what to say. "Thank  
you." It was barely a whisper. "This means more to me than  
I can say."  
  
  
Later that night when Phil was in bed Cat sat by the fire with Sheila  
and Bella vying for space on her lap. Tomorrow morning TJ would return  
and take Phil back to Chicago. It had been a strange couple of weeks  
since Phil had come into her life, but a time that she would cherish.  
She was pleased to finally have met the woman that had captured Ben's  
heart all those years ago and who, she felt sure, would be making Ben  
a happy man again before too long. Yes, maybe fate was about to hand  
these two a second chance.  
  
She wasn't sure why she had decided to give Phil the notebook, but it  
had seemed the right thing to do. As she thought this, the two cats suddenly  
sat up, staring off towards the stairs.  
  
"Who's there?" she asked Sheila and Bella, well used to them  
seeing things she didn't.  
  
They settled quickly when they recognised the ghostly visitor. They  
knew him well, for he came regularly. Unseen by Cat, a silver haired  
man in a Mountie uniform made his way towards Phil's room to whisper  
into her dreams that he was glad she now carried his black notebook.  
  
A little later when Cat was just about to make her way to bed, she heard  
a car in the drive. She smiled to herself. She knew it was TJ. She  
was waiting on the porch before he was out of the car.  
  
He rushed to her, speaking in an excited whisper. "I decided to  
drive back tonight so I could spend the night with you. I hope that's  
not inconvenient."  
  
"Lose the formalities, TJ, you know you're welcome here. Come inside."  
  
Together they went into the house.  
  
"How's Flip been?"  
  
"You won't recognise her. We talked a lot and I told her a lot  
of things I thought she should know."  
  
"Did she handle it OK?"  
  
"Most of it, though the photos gave her a bit of a shock."  
Cat gestured to the wall running alongside the stairs "I don't  
think she'd been expecting to see so many pictures of Ben and I didn't  
think to warn her. I'm so used to those damn photos that I never really  
notice them."  
  
TJ wandered over towards the stairs and looked at the collection. "I  
never really noticed them either."  
  
"Well, TJ, I guess every time you've been walking up those stairs  
you've had something else on your mind." Cat teased him and he  
blushed slightly, returning his attention to the pictures.  
  
Cat turned off the living room lights joined TJ on the stairs. He seemed  
very interested in the picture of Cat and Becka.  
  
"Who's that with you?" he asked.  
  
"That's Becka, Ben's sister. She's beautiful, isn't she?"  
  
"Yes. Yes, she is," TJ answered, reaching for Cat's hand and  
leading her up the stairs.  
  
  
Some time later, when they really should have been asleep, TJ turned  
his head on the pillow and smiled at Cat.  
  
"I want to thank you for all you've done for Phil. And for me."  
He looked up at the ceiling again. "I haven't been able to stop  
thinking about you for the last few days. I'd forgotten I could feel  
like this, I never thought I'd get a second chance."  
  
Cat leaned up on one elbow and looked down at the too, too handsome man  
in her bed. "TJ, this has been wonderful for me too and I think  
you're a great guy..."  
  
"But....there has to be a but?" he smiled sadly at her.  
  
"TJ, don't go falling in love with me. I'm just a stopgap in your  
life. You'll go back to Chicago and meet a woman who deserves you and  
I'll dance at your wedding."  
  
TJ regarded Cat for a long time and for a moment she thought she had  
been too blunt, that maybe she had caused more pain. Then he threw his  
head back and laughed, before pulling her down onto his chest.  
  
"What an amazing woman you are, Cat Madden. I would love to have  
you dance at my wedding."  
  
  
The next afternoon it was a solemn party of three humans and one cat  
who made their way through Moose Jaw airport. When boarding time came,  
Phil turned to Cat and hugged her.  
  
"Thank you for everything. Thank you for the kitten, your hospitality,  
your friendship ... for everything. I've learned a lot."  
  
"This was obviously meant to happen, Phil. Thank you. I've learned  
a lot, too."  
  
The two women hugged again and Phil stepped back, to allow TJ and Cat  
their farewells.  
  
TJ hugged her fiercely. "It seems I learned a lot too. Thanks,  
Cat. You're one amazing woman."  
  
"It was great, TJ. I'm glad I know you. Thanks." TJ kissed  
her, both of them knowing that this would be the last intimate kiss they  
shared.  
  
Phil smiled at them and discreetly turned her back. A little later she  
looked at them again, expecting the kiss to be over. It wasn't. She  
coughed and was about to make a suggestion about a bucket of water when,  
as if on cue, the public address system crackled into life, requesting  
passengers to board.  
  
TJ let Cat go and picked up their bags and the cat basket and prepared  
to leave. Phil gave Cat a final hug and they started to move off.  
  
"Don't forget to write," Cat called to them. "Letters,  
I like lots of letters."  
  
"And I'm coming back for another visit," Phil shouted back.  
  
Cat smiled as Phil and TJ disappeared from view. _'Yes you are'_  
Cat thought to herself _'but next time you sleep under my roof you  
won't be alone'_. Cat believed, without doubt, that fate would be  
kind to Ben and Phil and somehow give them that second chance.  
  
  
All comments welcome at mullum@tig.com.au  
  
 ****Nothing Lasts Forever (Book 2 of the Ben and Phil Saga)  
  
1.Nothing Lasts Forever  
2.Of Second Chances by Carol Trendall  
3.Winter in America is Cold by Carol Trendall  
4.Lavender Memories  
5.Distractions by Carol Trendall  
6.No Aphrodisiac by Carol Trendall  
7.Life's Insanity by Carol Trendall  
8.Standing on the Edge by Carol Trendall  
9.Of Past Regret and Future Fear by Carol Trendall  
10.A Summoning of Things Past  
11.Three Parts Dead  
12.A Job Well Done  
13.Touchstones of Character  
14.But For the Night  
15.Tangled Webs  
16.Suspicions  
17.Chasms of the Mind (with Carol Trendall)  
18.Outskirts by Carol Trendall  



End file.
